Thanks for the great breakdown of your history and how your approach has evolved over time. I totally agree that situations with one Domme will defintely change your attitude/approach with the next.
For me, there really isn't a history or a maturation. I started with this approach probably because I had no clue what I was doing, so I just gave them the lead and it always worked (hey, if I am contracting with an expert then I just need to trust them). However, I do want to clarify that the one thing that I have always been clear about (and that caused a problem between you and Mistress H) is about attitude.
I have always been really clear with Dommes that attitude is really important to me because, unlike you, I don't like role play. I also hate "Female Superiority" because I never feel inferior as a person to anyone and I never intentionally make a mistake or disobey. So, when a Domme decides that she needs to be that "bossy and belittling" type, it is like a role play where my mind shifts from "Yes, Mistress" to "whatever".
So, in my communications I always stated that the same activity can be a total turn-off for me if I see her as "the angry Domme" but totally amazing if she does it with an evil smile on her face and enjoyment in her head. That may be how I avoided the pitfall that you ran into.
During my entire time as a client sub (sometimes referenced as my reign of terror), I have always also played from the Top in non-Pro relationships so I totally understand the pull of that as well as the Dominant's mentality within both a scene and a relationship. However, I also had an incident with a Pro Domme who decided to submit to me that showed me that I although I am both a Top and a bottom, because I see the goal of both as exactly the same (pleasing and supporting Y/your partner with the difference only being in who makes the decisions), I can't do both with the same person.
I have had one local Domme in my time and we had an extremely intense personal connection that extended into a friendship beyond the walls of the dungeon (although not a romantic or personal service relationship). I would say I did at least 50 sessions with her over a 3-4 year period and that was only limited by her rules rather than my wants. So, one day, I show up for a session and she started as normal then had me lay on a medical table and keep my eyes closed (although I wasn't bound in any way) until she told me to open them. In the meantime, she had done a self-bondage thing and hung herself from a hook that was in the ceiling of the dungeon/play space. Shocked the living crap out of me, and once I processed it I was all for it.
We played and everything went well until she bratted for a second, my first reaction was to give her a really hard smack for the impudence. But... I couldn't do it. She wasn't just some girl or a sub, she was my Domme and I just couldn't hit her in that aggressive manner my instincts as a Dom told me to do in that moment. After that session, we went back to our normal mode and it was always awesome but it definitely taught me something about myself and I never again wanted to have that kind of kinky role-switching play with a Domme.
However, like your experience with Mistress L, it was insanely gratifying and really hot that she spend so much time planning and executing this kinky switch play. Because of my approach and willingness, I actually do get a lot of that kind of crazy planning (or just crazy activities borne out of "in-the-moment" creativity) with different Dommes I see... mostly ones I see on a regular basis and/or have moved into a more personal rather than purely Pro/client relationship with, but actually in first sessions in some cases.
This thread is borne out of the craziness I described in my review of Mistress Eva Cruz (which was a first session), but I have been put in a lot of very kinky/crazy situations such as:
- A session has been opened for a bunch of strangers (not Pro Dommes/subs but just kinky non-D/s people) to voyueristically watch
- "Kidnapped" and thrown into the trunk of a car then fully bound before being driven to some unknown place and abused for hours
- Forced intox by alcohol enema (understanding that I don't actually drink alcohol as a general rule) before/during play
- "Forced" intox by being ordered to go to a hotel bar and finish my drink when ordered to by text (I swear, I don't actually drink), while being cross-dressed under my clothes and with a CBT electrical device constantly going, or at least constant until she changed patterns by using her remote (which also controlled the patterns of a vibrator she used on herself at times.. although I don't know if that was the case when I was in the bar but definitely was before I was ordered to the bar) all this while having to make conversation with the bartender and other patrons.
- Completely bound and immobile on a hotel room bed and abandoned for hours.
- Being choked out until I was unconscious on the floor in front of a bunch of friends of mine at a photo shoot because of some smart-ass thing I said to one of my Dommes (but she did this was a HUGE smile on her face... especially after I was a crumpled heap on the floor).
- Put into an inescapable sleep sack and bound with a vibrating butt plug in my ass or CBT or electrical torture or nipple torture before being abandoned for an indeterminant amount of time (the sleep sack bondage happens a lot because I own that sleep sack and do offer to bring it if a Domme wants me to)
- Put into a chastity device and completely bound before being put into a coroner's bag (OMG, is that overpoweringly hot and muggy)
- Being made to go to an incredibly nasty "strip club" (which was really a glorified book store with a chair in another room) and get a private dance from the least attractive stripper available while locked in a chastity device and wearing frilly panties, then having to disclose my situation and hand her my phone so she could text with my Domme and participate in messing with me if she wanted (she didn't... although she did try to get me to have sex with her... uh, chastity device, WTF?!?)
- Made to sleep bound by chains overnight in a hotel room closet with orders not to make any noise because my Domme was asleep on the bed and was "a VERY light sleeper"
- Being bound in multiple ways and suffering multiple tortures while my Domme was doing a session in another room... or on the other side of the closet door (This actually refers to several different Dommes doing things like this rather than just one)
- Being made to settle a bet between a Domme of mine and her friend who was an escort about whether the escort could get me to cum in an hour doing whatever she wished other than prostate milking... with the bet being that if I didn't, the Domme would get the payment for that hour's session with the escort and if I did, I would have to double the session price and all money would go to the escort. My Domme and I won, but I think it was because I am really cheap rather than having that level of discipline or her having that much control over me
- Tied to a tree and beaten in a remote area before being made to run behind a car by a rope bound around my hands and my pants around my ankles and finally literally tied while hooded to a speed limit sign post next to the road and left there for a time (luckily it was remote enough that nobody came by but when my Domme drove back up, I had no way of knowing if it was her or someone else)
- Being bound and played with on a luggage cart at a hotel attached to an airport so that the two Dommes could easily move me around to where they wanted me to be
- Been used as a personal vibrator or toy by having a dildo strapped to some body part or another when the Domme decides she wants an orgasm
Of course, this list doesn't even cover the kind of crazy in-session play you describe that Mistress L did "because she wanted to do it" (which is amazingly hot to me) or every crazy situation I have been in (I already wrote too much.. per usual) or even acts that have been done to me (Statements like: "You want to shove what up my penis and then attach an electrical current to it?!?" or "What exactly do you mean by footing Mistress?" leap to mind). But, I think it does give you an idea of the kinds of things that happen when you make it all about the Domme and enable her to be as crazy/kinky/creative as she wants to be.
Though, I am definitely gonna look at Mistress Ayn's forum for the butt plug discussion now.